


Guilt

by RainbowMech (charlion_em)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Friendship/Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Post-Kerberos Mission, Survivor Guilt, good amount of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-16
Updated: 2016-12-16
Packaged: 2018-09-08 21:12:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8862223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charlion_em/pseuds/RainbowMech
Summary: Prompt: It's the anniversary of the Kerberos Tragedy and Shiro is angsting like hell because he thinks it's his fault or something and Keith is there to comfort him.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This was ~supposed~ to be a tumblr short ... but it went and found a deeper plot on me. I did manage to reign it it, but may explore it more later.

 

The time wasn’t important, Shiro just knew it was late enough for everyone else to be asleep, tucked safely in their beds and away from his quiet corner of the observation deck. He knew if Keith found him, he would tell him to ‘stop brooding’ and offer the comfort of a hug. Better Keith than Hunk or Lance, and certainly much better than Katie.

How Katie could stand to look at him everyday eluded him. Most mornings he couldn’t bring himself to look in the mirror, let alone do so today. But Katie never blamed him, and if she had realized what today was, she kept quiet on the subject. His throat constricted at the thought of talking to her about it.

Two years. Two whole years since the coms on their ship went down and they were taken prisoner. They… Matt and Sam… he should have been strong enough to save them. But after a year in the Galra’s clutches, he'd only managed to save himself. And if he knew where they were, it was locked away with the rest of his memories.

One year of searching… and they were no closer to a rescue. Not even a lead. They blindly flew from system to system, liberating where they could, all while evading capture themselves.

Would his current team face the same unknown fate because of his failure?

One year of fighting, and they were no closer to defeating Zarkon. They had no way to beat his fleet’s superior firepower; maybe once upon a time Voltron was the strongest weapon in the universe, but 10,000 years made such a time look like a fairy tale. Or maybe it was the technology, but who was using it.

The stars twinkled outside the window, ignorant of his inner turmoil. How many of those stars held planets under Zarkon’s rule? How many could they save?

“It's a bit late to be brooding, isn't it?”

Shiro didn’t look up from the window, but addressed Keith’s reflection. “You should get some rest.”

Keith yawned, stretching out his arms as he walked over to where Shiro leaned against the wall. “I was. Some sensor triggered and Katie made a fuss on her way to find Allura.”

Shiro turned now that Keith was standing next to him, “Anything I should know about?”

“Katie said she would come get us if it turned out to be anything,” Keith said with a shrug. “Last time it was just a ghost ship we came in proximity to. But she's so loud. Maybe I should switch rooms.”

“I'm sure the Princess will sound the alarm if she needs us.”

“Why are you up?” Keith tilted his head, eyes narrowed in accusation. “You promised you would talk to me if you-”

“It wasn’t a nightmare.” Shiro reached up to grip the top of the view port, leaning his weight towards the stars. “I couldn't even fall asleep.”

Keith rotated, resting his back against the glass and folding his arms. “Do you need to talk? Or just someone to be near?”

Truly, he didn’t deserve Keith’s friendship. Someone like him, who failed teammates before, shouldn't be offered unwavering support from such an understanding person. Keith proved before he even left for Kerberos that he was, in fact, a good listener, and Shiro would often share his fears and dreams, finding a weight lifted from his very being just by talking to someone.

But it wasn't just ‘someone’. It was Keith. And Keith didn’t need to be tied down by a friend who woke to nightmares multiple times a week, or a friend who may not be there when he needed him.

Shiro met Keith’s eyes, unable to stop himself. They were gorgeous, expressive even when Keith forced his face into blank stone. It was his eyes which drew Shiro to him first, made him want more than a loyal friend.

“I just want to be alone, Keith.” Even Keith couldn’t expunge his guilt tonight- not even with his warm embrace and whispered reassurances.

“I'm not stupid.” Keith leaned into his personal space. “Today is two years. Did you think I wouldn't remember? It's also a year since I got you back.”

Shiro broke eye contact, unable to face the unfiltered sorrow he found in them. “I shouldn’t have come back. Not alone.”

This time Keith fully stepped into his personal space, wedging between Shiro and the window, leaving barely two inches between them. “Never,” he said with steel in his voice, “say you shouldn't have come back. You hear me?”

The intensity of his glare, a raw, passionate, mix of anger and loss, left Shiro stunned to silence. Never before had Keith been this forceful or demanding with his emotions. Just how much did his disappearance affect Keith? He always hid his deeper emotions so well, always there to comfort Shiro, never hinting he needed comforted too.  

Finally, his tongue worked, wetting his dry lips “Matt and Sam-”

“-Only survived _because_ of you. If you wouldn't have escaped none of us would be here, saving others.”

Guilt racked through his body again. “I know, and I'm sorry. None of you should be putting your lives at risk.”

“Shiro!” Keith reached up to grip both of his shoulders, “If we weren't here - if you hadn't escaped- the Galra would have already won. Matt and Sam would have zero chance then. But you survived, you did all you could for them, and then you escaped.”

Just the small touch of Keith’s hands on his shoulders began to calm his breathing. If he'd continued, he was sure it would have let to a full anxiety attack. Even so, he knew he was far from okay.

Keith’s eyes softened as he stared up to Shiro. “Because you escaped, we have a chance. Katie knows that. Please, don't think she blames you. She misses her family, but it isn't your fault. Shiro… there was nothing you could have done, the Galra would have taken any team who was there.”

Not his fault. No- it was. It was. He wasn't strong enough. He should have been able to save Matt, escaped and found Sam.

“It was the Galra. Say it with me, Shiro. The failure of the Kerberos mission belongs to no one but Zarkon.” His arms slid halfway down Shiro’s arms. “Say it. Let me hear you.”

It would be so easy to just pull away, retreat back to his room and pretend nothing happened come breakfast. But Keith was inches away, warm and inviting. Just as easily, he could lean down and capture Keith’s lips, change the subject completely. But what use would that be?

“Shiro.” Keith shifted uncertainly. “I blamed you. For a while. First I blamed the Garrison for blaming you. Pilot error? You? But then… there was no other explanation. And pilot error or not, you weren't coming back. And I blamed you for everything, failing my tests, getting kicked out, being unable to afford food… but then you came back. And I can't believe I ever blamed you - that I ever thought anything but positively about you.”

Halfway through Keith’s flood of words, Shiro pulled him close, his arms wrapped around his trim waist and those few inches between disappeared with the sweet sound of fabric sliding together. The embrace was returned eagerly, Keith’s arms slid up his back to pull him closer. Keith fit so nicely against him, it would be so easy to take the risk and tell him he wanted this forever.

At no point in the last year had Keith said one word about how his disappearance affected him “Keith, I had no idea. Why didn’t you talk to me sooner?”

“Because, you're already dealing with so much… I didn’t want to add my burdens. Now say it.”

How could he say no? “It's Zarkon’s fault.”

Such a simple phrase. Three words, yet the weight of Voltron had been lifted from where it had sat on his chest for so long.

“Not yours.”

“Not mine.” Shiro pulled back so he could look Keith in the eyes, “It's Zarkon’s.”

It earned him a wet smile. Shiro reached up to wipe at Keith’s wet cheeks.

He turned his gaze back to the stars, wondering again how many systems they could save from Zarkon. Keith settled his head against his chest, and for the moment everything was good. There were no Galra ships nearby, no high alerts, no pressing training - at least until tomorrow. With Keith’s help, he could work on forgiving himself. And, Keith was in his arms, the stars shone brightly behind him in peaceful tranquility. And the yellow lion was flying gracefully around the far wing of the castle.

Wait. Shiro pushed Keith back a few inches, “What is Hunk doing?”

“Hm?” Keith blinked away the sleep from his eyes- and later Shiro would think back on how he'd nearly fallen asleep in his arms. He turned to the view port in time to see the Blue Lion pass by. “What?”

“The alarms weren't sounded.”

Just then, Coran’s voice chirped from the open doorway. “There you lads are! Come! Katie found a dead ship with a stranded crew.”

Keith stepped forward, “I'll head to Red now. Send the coordinates to-”

“No, no.” Coran waved his hand. “Come, help me with moving them to the healing pods. Lance and Hunk were able to get them all no fuss.”

Shiro noticed the twinkle in Coran’s eyes. “Why are you smiling like that?” He followed just behind Keith.

“Because,” Coran beamed, “our Katie has found her family.”

Shiro stopped, “They- they're okay? Sam and Matt?”

Coran nodded, “Okay as is to be expected. Matt answered Allura’s hail.”

Relief flooded his veins. They were alive. Alive! He caught Keith staring behind at him, a small smile on his lips. There was no protest when Keith fully turned and gripped his arm, tugging him down the hall after Coran.

The walk to the pods was a blur, and if he had to recount it later he knew he would be unable to. When they entered the room with the pods, Lance was just entering from the other side, four aliens in tow. Shiro scoured the small group over and over, constantly reassuring himself Matt or Sam were not among them.

Katie fiddled absentmindedly with the controls, keeping busy as she waited, her foot tapping with an irregular rhythm against the floor. Next to her, Allura plugged in the correct settings for the pods as Shiro and Keith guided the rescued refugees in.

So far, the worst of the injuries were infections in the various cuts on their extremities, a few broken bones, but overall nothing life threatening. They probably had the Holts to thank, both were trained in basic care and then some. Most telling, though, was how malnourished they all were, it was clear even on the unfamiliar species.  

Hunk’s voice came from the other side of the room. “Special delivery, two Holts and a baby!”

Shiro snapped his head up after he sealed his last pod. Katie was already across the room, engulfing her father in a hug. Sam was unable to return the hug as he was supported between Hunk and Matt because his leg was in a makeshift splint. But his arms sparkled as he wept against Katie hair.

Coran offered to relieve Matt and pulled Sam’s arm around his shoulders. “Come now, Katie. There is plenty of time to celebrate. Let's get your father healed up first!”

As Katie and Sam spoke, Matt turned his attention to the human-like alien next to him and the child in her arms. Shiro took the opportunity to look Matt over now, relieved to find him without any major injuries, and judging by the easy way in which he moved, his leg had healed just fine. However, like the others, he showed signs of malnutrition.

“Shiro, go talk to them!” Keith stood close at his side, “I'm sure they will be thrilled to see you're well. And they can probably help clear up some of your memories.”

Katie moved to the side, allowing Hunk and Coran to help Sam into a healing pod. She turned her full attention to Matt now, hugging him with much less restraint.

“Shiro?” Keith stepped around so he was facing him.

“What if they blame me? If… they hate me for being unable to protect them.”

Keith growled, more in frustration than actual anger.

“Katie!” Matt hugged her with equal enthusiasm. “It's so good to see you. Wish it were better circumstances.”

“You dork. Never do this again. I missed you two so much! I was so worried!”

“I missed you too!” Matt buried his nose in her hair, masking his cries of joy and relief. After a few moments he pulled away and motioned to the alien next to him. “Katie, this is Jezzn and her son. She's the one who fixed our com system. Just in time too.”

Katie and Matt continued to talk, but Shiro couldn't hear them over Keith.

“Shiro.” Keith reached up to cup his cheek. “Please don't avoid them. I know that look in your eyes.”

“Katie isn’t finished talking to Matt yet. I'll… I'll talk to them once they're out of the pods.” The events at the arena flashed before him, stabbing Matt, yelling at him. Did he know why he'd done it? Or did he think the worst?

“Shiro, you love him, right? Go talk to him.” Keith did meet his gaze, instead staring at a point behind Shiro.

“Wha- Keith. No.” Shiro leaned further into the hand on his cheek. The words were right there, ready to be confessed out loud. But he bit his tongue, hoping it would be enough.

“- when Shiro came back alone, I was so worried you were never coming back. That I'd never see either of you again.” Katie’s voice was slightly raw as Matt held her against his chest.

“Sh-Shiro’s alive?”

“Yes. Let's get you into a healing pod.” Katie pulled away and tugged on his sleeve. Coran appeared to lead Jezzn and her child to a pod.

“I'm fine, Katie. But some food would be nice.” He looked up, searching the room until he found Shiro and Keith on the other side of the controls.

Keith pulled his hand away as they approached, Matt moving quickly towards them with Katie right behind.

“Shiro.” Matt took Keith space as the Paladin stepped to the side. “Y- you're alive.” He nearly dove into Shiro, his arms wrapped around him quickly before he pulled away, stepping back and wiping his eyes.

“I'm glad you and Sam are safe.” Shiro didn’t get a chance to return a hug.

Katie pulled at Matt’s arm. “You can talk after you're healed up.”

“She’s right. You need to be checked over. There's plenty of time for us to catch up.” He glanced at Katie and added with a soft smile, “After she's done with you two.”

“I thought… I thought you'd died. Sacrificed yourself to save me.. and…”

“I'm okay.” This time Shiro pulled Matt to him. “I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I couldn't save you.”

Matt shook his head against Shiro’ chest. “There is nothing you could have done. Nothing any of us could have.” He relaxed more as Shiro held him.

“Maaaatt.”

“Okay. I'll go.” Matt pulled back with a fond smile. He glanced towards Keith then back to Shiro. “Did you happen to do a certain thing you promised me you'd do?”

“Uh… no?” Shiro could feel the tips of his ears burning and hoped his blush didn’t creep up his face.

Katie grumbled, tugging at Matt’s sleeve. “You can bro time later.”

Matt let himself be pulled away, but as he passed Shrio he turned, put his hand to his mouth and mock whispered, “I'm pretty sure the answer will be yes.”

Shiro was very aware of Keith’s presence next to him. Thankfully, he didn't ask what Matt was talking about.

Hunk and Coran loudly debated who would prepare food for the refuges. While Allura monitored the pods.

“Where is Lance?”

“He went back to bed.” Allura’s eyebrow twitched.

“Well, he does need his beauty sleep.” Hunk chuckled. “Vote guys, which of us should-”

“How about,” Allura turned, an eyebrow twitching more, “you both cook so there are plenty of options.”

Coran and Hunk glanced at each other and left, unwilling to upset the Princess further.

“I can watch the pods if you want to get some sleep,” said Shiro.

Katie interjected, “No. Go to bed, Shiro. We at least got a few hours already.”

“I-”

Katie held up a finger. “I'm not arguing. Go to bed. You too, Keith. Allura and I have this. And we'll need you two for the next shift.”

No arguing with Katie’s logic. Shiro nodded, “Let me know if anything changes.”

He left the room, not checking to see if Keith was following. Luck wasn't on his side, he could hear footsteps behind him, and the other Paladin cornered him a few halls down. Keith jogged passed him, turned and crossed his arms. Pushing past him would have been easy, it would be easy to blame it on lack of sleep and hope Keith forgot about it in the morning.

“Shiro. What was Matt talking about?” His pupils were large in the dim lighting, pleading, demanding.

“He… I…” Shiro sighed. “It doesn't matter. Too much has happened, it's old and I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You don’t have to.” Keith deflated, looking away. It wasn’t often Shiro hid something from him, and when he did it was something big. Like the Kerberos mission. He hadn’t figured out how to tell Keith and let him find out from the Garrison’s news. “Let's get some sleep. I'll see you in the morning.”

Maybe it was the nostalgic hope from having Matt back, or the sullen way Keith’s shoulds hung as he walked away. It could have been his own guilt being mirrored by Matt, or just the sheer need to remove the burden of his emotions. Whatever it was, it drove Shiro to jog forward, grab Keith’s shoulders and turn him back to face him.

His arms fell limp at his sides and his voice quivered as he fought to keep his breathing steady. “Keith. I. Before the arena, when we were in a holding cell, unsure of our future, we talked about what we would do when we got home. Our wishes, deepest wants. And Matt knew. I don’t know how because I never said it right out. But he somehow got me to promise to confess my feelings.”

Keith blinked at him, taking in everything Shiro had said.

Shiro reached forward again, gently taking one of Keith’s hands. “I like you, Keith. More than-”

Soft lips pressed against his, sliding over his bottom lip slowly before pulling back. He hadn’t realized his eyes had closed until he opened them, just soon enough to watch Keith slide back to his normal height. He had a fleeting thought that Keith on his tiptoes was adorable.

“Wow.” Keith squeezed his hand. “All this time?”

Shiro nodded. “Keith…”

“Come on, go to bed and we'll talk more in the morning.”

Shiro brought their joined hands up and kissed Keith’s knuckles. “Thank you. For tonight. For being there for me.”

Keith leaned up again, this time kissing his cheek. “Always, Shiro.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


End file.
